A beautiful journey...

begins :)

Alhamdulillah.. here is my rainbow

Complaning with Actions

Complaining. That's all there is.

Even I get sick of my own complains when I know I'm not doing anything about it. But then again, here's a personal space to rant. And here's a complain even after I've done something about it. Complaining because I don't want to burden the boyfriend and having to let him make myself feel better ten thousand times.

Its now just up to time.

I saw the 'The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Rise of Electro' last  night. The first half hour was just about Spider-Man saving the city (as usual) and trying to get to his graduation ceremony. And then that was it.

I wept when Gwen Stacy was called on stage to give a speech. She was a valedictorian. The entire scene of Gwen giving her speech, the graduates and their decorated hats with their parents and family. It was a mixture of being upset and angry at the world and feeling fired up to graduate.

I'm not gonna have that campus life. Nope. That time has passed. I missed out.

But I want to have that genuinely disgusting, im-on-top-of-the-world smile plastered on my face when I graduate. When I get myself on the Dean's List. When I put on that robe and that hat - maybe I'll decorate that stupid hat - maybe its not stupid.  After all that I had to go through to get that ONE piece of paper.

I want it. I need it so bad that it hurts. Nobody will understand this.
I am proud of myself. Of what I am, of how strong I have become. Oxymoronic I know.

Graduating... after all the stumbling blocks, would be my greatest pride.

I'll get there. I will. 2017.

Have faith Hanah. Have faith.

Under Construction

4 years ago, a crucial decision was made. And in that 4 years, I had to face the repercussions of the decision.

Today, I am more than proud of myself. I never knew that I could reach my own benchmark and the benchmarks that I created as I go along, by 10 folds.

My initial focus was, career progression.

I was promoted last year.

This year, I made a big purchase - I bought myself a car. 2 years after I sold my first car.

Today, after putting it on hold for what I feel like forever, I'll be attending my first class of my Degree program.

So, now that I've rebuilt my life, I can seriously consider moving on. For real.

It wasn't all easy. And time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. 

But its what you make of it.

Slowly but surely.

 

The Closet

Our stories vary tremendously.

Each of us, have our own little closet.
We each have our fair share of, "when I was 15, I had....".
But the fact is, we don't live in it.
Our closets, big or small, no matter how dark or gloomy or scary, we each have a story to tell.

No person in their right mind could measure how hard another person's story is.
Its subjective, yes. But you can never say that another person's story is not as hard as yours.
You can never say that you had it worst.
Hard is hard.

Coming out of your closet, to tell your story, whatever it may be, is hard.

But when you do, you will see that society, though very misconstrued and judgemental, are rather accepting.
Because in its own idealistically shaped mindsets, they wonder how you managed to find the courage to put on a brave front, to pull through and simply carry on.

Observation on a Wednesday

When I got to the office this morning, I was walking behind one of the interns.

His shoes was so shiny that every time he takes a step, It felt like the back of his shoes were winking at me.

***

Went down to get some breakfast, saw a pregnant woman probably 7months long.  She was wearing a Lycra maxi dress. All my eyes could focus on was her belly button sticking out. 

Im sure she had an "inny" belly button.

Well she's an "otty" now.

***

I was at my desk when I heard a repeated squeaking sound. 

So I looked for it. 

It was my colleague Fizi. He sits about 4metres away from me. 

Told him I could hear him rocking his chair. Then he said "ok la tu, bunyi mcm lutut fizi". So I said but ur lutut dah karat. Then he said "ha tu la pasal. Lama tak dapat!"

His wife just gave birth to their second child.
He will be on 3 months "sabbatical".