Complaning with Actions

Complaining. That's all there is.

Even I get sick of my own complains when I know I'm not doing anything about it. But then again, here's a personal space to rant. And here's a complain even after I've done something about it. Complaining because I don't want to burden the boyfriend and having to let him make myself feel better ten thousand times.

Its now just up to time.

I saw the 'The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Rise of Electro' last  night. The first half hour was just about Spider-Man saving the city (as usual) and trying to get to his graduation ceremony. And then that was it.

I wept when Gwen Stacy was called on stage to give a speech. She was a valedictorian. The entire scene of Gwen giving her speech, the graduates and their decorated hats with their parents and family. It was a mixture of being upset and angry at the world and feeling fired up to graduate.

I'm not gonna have that campus life. Nope. That time has passed. I missed out.

But I want to have that genuinely disgusting, im-on-top-of-the-world smile plastered on my face when I graduate. When I get myself on the Dean's List. When I put on that robe and that hat - maybe I'll decorate that stupid hat - maybe its not stupid.  After all that I had to go through to get that ONE piece of paper.

I want it. I need it so bad that it hurts. Nobody will understand this.
I am proud of myself. Of what I am, of how strong I have become. Oxymoronic I know.

Graduating... after all the stumbling blocks, would be my greatest pride.

I'll get there. I will. 2017.

Have faith Hanah. Have faith.